My Three Biggest Fears Unleashed: How I’m Feeling With the Website Reveal
BAM. There you have it. In the spirit of being real, I’m getting straight to it. Y’all, I’m scared.
I’m not one to open up to others right away. Most times, I enjoy doing the question-asking, inquiring about others’ lives and approaching these conversations from a place of curiosity and earnest interest. But talk about myself? No way. Nope, don’t like it, never have. Feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels like bragging. Sometimes it feels like I’m dumping all my complaints on someone else. Personally, I find it really hard to be comfortable enough in my own vulnerability to share that with another person: be it family, friend, or a partner. That’s why most of my life I’ve been more comfortable remaining a ‘closed book’. A mystery to most, although a friendly mystery at that.
I’m currently pursuing something that’s been on my heart for a long time. I’m building a life coaching business because I love interacting with people in this way and supporting them along the journey to their own self-realization and development. But dang, I just had to say that shit out loud. Or write it down. You see, the nature of the entrepreneurial thing is that you can’t keep it a secret. There’s a marketing strategy that’s required for the whole thing to takeoff and gain some forward momentum. It requires personal effort, focus, and ugh, self-promotion. But the most terrifying of all those necessary ingredients? It requires self-belief.
Sometimes it’s this confidence in ourselves, a knowing and security that comes from deep inside, that is the most challenging demon of all.
Mindsets can paralyze, critical voices run wild, and instead of aligning fully with what our gut (Soul, Self, -ing, inner voice) is telling us, we do the opposite. We choose from a place of fear because it’s easier, seemingly less risky, and more familiar. Well, I realized I don’t like playing small. And I can either sit and think about this ‘other life’ that I’ve been considering and fantasizing about, or I can snap out of it and make that shit happen. The choice is mine.
I wanted to coach for years and now I’ll be certified next week, but this path hasn’t been as rosy as the pastel manuals and workbooks make it out to be. I’m writing this so you can get in my head and learn from some of my biggest fears as a coach. I’m hoping this provides some solace to others who are confronting the same mindset struggles - however they are manifesting in your life. Everyone’s got some type of struggle with a critical voice, and knowing that those buggers are universal and plague everyone from time to time, can help.
So here are the top 3 fears I’m confronting with this coaching business and taking things ‘public’.
FEAR #1: What will others think?
(Another disguise for feeling not-enoughness)
Label: Comparison, societal expectations
Questioning: What will people think? What if people think this isn’t a real career? Think that I’m not qualified enough? Think this whole thing is too woo-wooy, or a joke?
Reframe: Actually, here’s a spin for ya – it doesn’t matter what people will think. Those ‘friends’ on Facebook that I haven’t talked to since high school graduation? Yea, I really shouldn’t waste any energy worrying about what’s running through their heads because 1) it’s not worth it, and 2), they probably aren’t thinking about me anyway).
Part of the reason I created a new Instagram handle without my name was because I was embarrassed about the coaching thing and how people would view it. But the people that are going to look down on it or shame me? I wouldn’t want them as my friends anyway.
I’ve gotta feel comfortable with who I am. Own my story. If people can’t accept me as is, then this is a great filter to eliminate anyone who’s not worth including in my life.
FEAR #2: I’m not ready.
Label: Fear of failure, catastrophic thinking
Questioning: What if I fail? What if I can’t make this happen? What if I don’t live up to others’ expectations? What if I can’t live up to my own? What do I do if I haven’t established a strong history of results yet?
Reframe: I start where I am. There will never be a right time. To paraphrase a saying from my teaching days, “great coaches are made, not born”. This process of refining my skill is going to take practice, intuiting what feels ‘right’ and learning from my mistakes (and there will be plenty of them, so look out for a post on some future lessons learned). I am being called to this for a reason, and I have to listen to that instinct. Imposter syndrome is real.
We’ll never be 100% prepared for everything that may come our way (in life or business), but we must keep showing up from a place of service and authenticity. We must show up for ourselves as much as others.
FEAR #3: I’m not good enough.
Label: Perfectionist, black & white thinking
Questioning? Is my website fully functional? What if my writing is full of grammar errors (errr, probably is). What if I have nothing new to say from the sea of other coaches out there?
Reframe: I am enough. As I am. Right now. You are enough too. You always have been. You don’t have to do anything to earn it. It’s your birthright. Comparison is a kill-joy, so cut that out. Learn to embrace your imperfection. Remember Brene Brown’s wise words.
The more we share ourselves and get comfortable owning our mess, our vulnerability, our eff-ups, the stronger we become and the more human we are.
PS - Thanks for visiting, reading this, and for the opportunity to share my fears with you. Writing about it and putting my thoughts out there in this way is both cathartic and bringing me closer to my aim to show up authentically for you and myself (something that feels freaking vulnerable AF and scary), but hey, I’m doing it anyway.
Here’s to staying in action people. Cheers!